5
At the threshold of a new beginning
Posted by Unknown
on
4:09 PM
My life is mixture of dead-ends and new beginnings. I have met so far in my 22 years almost as many dead-ends and as many fresh starts.Every new beginning gives me immense pleasure, excitement and thrill but is obviously presided by a fear, a stigma and a guilt of mostly abrupt and only sometimes decent endings.
Each time I open a new book, buy a new toy, or install a computer game I feel I have found the world, but like other X generation kids, happiness would not last much longer. During my childhood, I enrolled in stitching, knitting, Kathak (classical dance), Odissi dance, Origami, paper flower making, aerodynamics, Spanish and Urdu languages, mehndi/heena application and several other courses I can not even remember now, but completed only few.(I have just started learning driving and guitar!! do not know how far that will go)
First days of every class are always very fascinating. It's all new world with new people and excitement and then gradually it becomes monotonous, actually it becomes monotonous quite quickly in my case. All those new books, new people seem old and boring and in due time it all becomes too pushy and unbearable. And then suddenly, I want to break free, away from those pushy people who think that I am lame and find opportunity to make excuses, in most of the cases I find a very good excuse to place it before my mother, like in Spanish it was a broken leg, in Urdu it was shift of work schedule, in Kathak it was teacher's rude attitude and knitting was not just my thing.
My Mom has always been very worried about my attitude towards work. Her worries about my inconsistency earlier irritated me but then amused me (I was particularly amused with notion that inconsistency is related to free spirit, happiness and different people, I felt I have my own identity). She used to lecture me, scold me, even give warnings but then she stopped. She stopped doing it when I took my professional life seriously and started working on my grads.
But my attitude did not change, it began to affect my professional life. For me, my career was never going in right direction and every new coming up job was better than the current one, I changed jobs too frequently and left them and sat at home when no new job was offered but did not work anywhere for even a year at a strech. No guilt no shame, because I am always right, my employers do not deserve me or vice versa, who cares!
But then I landed on this job! The place, I am currently working at, is awesome, and strangely has not given me a reason to quit so far. There was nothing new about this place. I knew most of the staff and my bosses were familiar to me but somehow I kept making friends here every month. Every bunch of new friends inject freshness into my blood. My work profile has also maintained same dynamics, even its faster, it keeps changing its nature very week! obviously retaining the basic goal of my project. People here are great, colleagues cool, bosses even cooler. But then I am I. I have to change, move on. Even if I know I am currently probably at one of the best organisations to work for and probably at a very opportunate designation but still I want to move away.
I am moving away...towards a new beginning...towards a new journey, which marks threshold of a struggle to reach a place perhaps less smarter than this one but I need to embark this journey for reasons unknown, perhaps for terrorities unseen.
Wish me luck friends for you will never change and I am lucky to have you all!
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Each time I open a new book, buy a new toy, or install a computer game I feel I have found the world, but like other X generation kids, happiness would not last much longer. During my childhood, I enrolled in stitching, knitting, Kathak (classical dance), Odissi dance, Origami, paper flower making, aerodynamics, Spanish and Urdu languages, mehndi/heena application and several other courses I can not even remember now, but completed only few.(I have just started learning driving and guitar!! do not know how far that will go)
First days of every class are always very fascinating. It's all new world with new people and excitement and then gradually it becomes monotonous, actually it becomes monotonous quite quickly in my case. All those new books, new people seem old and boring and in due time it all becomes too pushy and unbearable. And then suddenly, I want to break free, away from those pushy people who think that I am lame and find opportunity to make excuses, in most of the cases I find a very good excuse to place it before my mother, like in Spanish it was a broken leg, in Urdu it was shift of work schedule, in Kathak it was teacher's rude attitude and knitting was not just my thing.
My Mom has always been very worried about my attitude towards work. Her worries about my inconsistency earlier irritated me but then amused me (I was particularly amused with notion that inconsistency is related to free spirit, happiness and different people, I felt I have my own identity). She used to lecture me, scold me, even give warnings but then she stopped. She stopped doing it when I took my professional life seriously and started working on my grads.
But my attitude did not change, it began to affect my professional life. For me, my career was never going in right direction and every new coming up job was better than the current one, I changed jobs too frequently and left them and sat at home when no new job was offered but did not work anywhere for even a year at a strech. No guilt no shame, because I am always right, my employers do not deserve me or vice versa, who cares!
But then I landed on this job! The place, I am currently working at, is awesome, and strangely has not given me a reason to quit so far. There was nothing new about this place. I knew most of the staff and my bosses were familiar to me but somehow I kept making friends here every month. Every bunch of new friends inject freshness into my blood. My work profile has also maintained same dynamics, even its faster, it keeps changing its nature very week! obviously retaining the basic goal of my project. People here are great, colleagues cool, bosses even cooler. But then I am I. I have to change, move on. Even if I know I am currently probably at one of the best organisations to work for and probably at a very opportunate designation but still I want to move away.
I am moving away...towards a new beginning...towards a new journey, which marks threshold of a struggle to reach a place perhaps less smarter than this one but I need to embark this journey for reasons unknown, perhaps for terrorities unseen.
Wish me luck friends for you will never change and I am lucky to have you all!
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