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Why I made my Diary public!

Posted by arshi aggarwal on 2:31 AM
Why do some people just need to post everything on social networking websites? Isn't it annoying to see posts about someone's new haircut or someone's new puppy! Some people post just random stuff, like a tree they liked or a bee that came in their house. What  derives the  universality of this 'stupidity'? When I relocated to "developed world' the first FB post on arrival that I saw was about a person asking a similar question - why people who go to foreign countries feel the need to click and everything and post it online, and well he had several supporters. I have been asked this question by many people here in University also. Exactly why do I want to post pics on sharing sites? Well its very much the same reason I am writing this blog - to share my feelings.

When I was a confused teenager (confused I still am) I started writing diary, thought it would help clear the fog in my mind. It helped to a certain extent, but then I found it so easy to just write stuff down than say it that I started writing all important feelings and instead of expressing them to rightful people. I would just hope that someday they would read my diary by mistake. Stupid wishes of a stupid girl! In fact, when I first fell in love I started writing my diary on random pages of my rough notebook with a hope that someday 'my guy' would borrow it for class notes and behold he would read all my secret feelings for him. Alas! That never happened. But since then I knew that even if I write my feelings down in my diary I still want people to know about it. Everything - from what I felt when I saw man spit on the road to my new song on mp3.

From what I have learnt from the numerous liked pages on Facebook (not a great place to learn unh?!) we are in the same boat. Everybody feels exactly the same way when it comes to some inane feelings. Being the social animals we are, we always look for company, communication, knowledge that there is someone out there who knows what we are doing, feeling, going through, rejoicing, repenting. It makes the process easier.

What I think is Facebook, Instagram or any other such website is nothing more than a diary we are trying to keep so that we can collect our footprints on this earth and making sure where they are. 

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Don't wanna grow up

Posted by arshi aggarwal on 2:48 AM
Have you grown up?

What is the definiion of a grown up? Do you watch cartoons? Do you drink recklessly and swear the next morning that you won't ever drink again? Do you like Sci-fi action flicks? Do you like candies? Do you have a fanatasy? If answer to all or some of tem s yes then m dear friend ou are no a grown up! Is i so??? Naaaahh... ! Well honestly I don't know where is this grow up sh*t comes from? Why the hell are we supposd to be grown ups at all?

I dn't ever want to be termed as grown up. I mean for all you know - you are supposed to behave, know all answers, be self sufficient, write stupid lengthy essays, live by yourself. There is no fun! You can't break or cry... you must be enjoying yourselves at all time? I mean how the hell that is possible. The pressure to be 'happy'at all ties is even worse then pressure to write exams.... don't you guyz think?

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Foreign education and scholarship

Posted by arshi aggarwal on 5:50 PM

How many of you have studied abroad? Well I am not sure of this answer but I can guarantee one thing - you know someone who has.. or currently is! And if that's decided then we can also say for sure that you must have also heard of almost astonishing claims of huge amount of scholarships they have got - 40%, 75%, 80% or some even go up to 100%.

Does not surprise you? well it surprises me! Even though I have actually come abroad and am now studying in a truly international university in United Kingdom, huge scholarships still surprise me.

I started thinking about coming to UK about a year ago and thought I missed the bus of scholarship because you really need to plan ahead for such a thing, but it turns out my research was not really adequate. I have met people here you decided six months ago and here they are with full scholarship - all expense paid course.

It really intimidates me to know so many full scholarship students, I feel I am wasting my family's money now.  I know a chap who is on prestigious commonwealth scholarship (and worst part is he is actually my school junior), three people who are on Chiving scholarship, quite a number of people who have been sent here to study by there respective government departments to add value to their services. I mean what??? Am I the only commoner here?

I sometimes feel like a fool in knowledge aristrocracy. But it is also a vastly inspiring experience. These men and women deserve these scholarships every bit. One person among them is an ex army men, who after  suffering 45% burns in a fighter jet crash has dedicated six years of his life to help other burn victims, other fellow has achieved not just this Chiving but Fulbright and several other scholarships. I mean he must have got something right.

Oh yes and one person is secretory to the president of his country. I mean how do you even expect me to compete with these people. But I have decided to keep my head high and die trying. Jokes part! I am really glad that I came to this university - scholarship or no scholarship. I am at least able to discuss and debate with these great minds and step ahead in my life.

Now I am sure that this year is going to be a major stepping stone in my life. Wish me luck guys. I will most probably keep sharing my interesting experiences here.

 

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Have you ever dated your BOSS?

Posted by arshi aggarwal on 11:20 PM
"Woahhh! She is dating the boss - no wonder her review was good!" "Shit man! He is doing the boss???? man he is so gone... way to promotion dude!" 

In India we live in a romantic world of Bollywood where an honest servant can fall in love with spoilt daughter of his master, an old man can date young girls and a cheating husband can be brought back on track. However, if you reverse the gender it will not be accepted... just too much shock for janta.. but what's even worse is boss and employee or senior and junior relationship. Either way it is seen as immoral by the society and thus audiences. 

I don't remember a single movie where the main plot was a love story between two people working in same company. Too much shock for public? It should not be.. because perhaps it is the most common place for a relationship to begin - with a respectful percentage of conversion into marriage.

But conversions do not stop the gossip mongers. More often then not such relationships are branded as a trade to get promotion, good review,  better office, transfer etc. After a relationship becomes common knowledge no amount of hard work done by junior partner will be accounted, all credit simply drifts from his/her work skills to his/her bedroom skills - at least in sight of colleagues. Films like Life in a Metro extends the believe and make it seem like a prostitution, where people sell love to earn monetary gains. 

But is it really a true picture? Isn't it obvious that in today's fats life only time any of us honestly spend is with our colleagues, both junior and senior. So why is it so difficult to believe that two people can honestly in love? Why do we need to complicate things and look everything through the prism of malice! 

For all that I opine, I think that such a relationship would be even more fruitful for both partners, as they would understand each others work commitments (which most of you would agree is the hardest these days) and also support each other in professional life, instead of taking advantage. 

True, if gone bad, such a relationship can jeopardize one's job as well, but anyways you were not going to keep that job for ever, were you? so chill find a new one and have fun! 

I would say have fun and let others have fun! Cheers! 

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Failed free trips to Japan and Bangkok!

Posted by arshi aggarwal on 12:57 AM
Have you ever been to Japan? Well I have not! But the interesting thing is that I was about to. All thanks to my school. Years ago my school brought me this opportunity of completing my higher education in Japan, all expense paid full scholarship, I was apparently selected from all of Delhi through a systematic process.

I even distributed sweets around, but then I came to know that its not final I along with nine other finalist would have to give a final interview, which I... flunked... well I did not go. All that hullabaloo of a government school sending a child to Japan came crashing down.

In between those glorious (me bound to Japan star) days came another opportunity to go to Bangkok for a student summit. My teachers entered my name along with others in the race. Well honestly I was too proud to prep (I was going abroad for two years, what's in four five days?) Result? Oh I did miserably in my presentation, I forgot all on stage and ran away crying! Uff such drama!

Well fortunately a dear friend was eventually selected in the panel... but as it happens in government stuff... the trip was cancelled... after the passports were done! Now I guess only I could understand his pain! Poor guy (poor me too).

At that time I thought - what a farce... these sarkari schools, they just promise but never deliver.

Well here we are eight years down the lane, and you know what? Today I am journalist good enough that sarkar (Ministry of External Affairs) itself took me to three South Asian countries for a diplomatic trip. And my dear friend who lost his Bangkok summit has become an engineer and earns good enough to sponsor his own little vacation to same Bangkok, in fact he has just came back.




Well I would say education never fails. Our schools might be mighty, poor, luxurious or just tacky, what we take from there stays with us! Be it friends, books, manners or education.

What is the most valuable thing you took from you school? 

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Of Competition, Sucess and Gamble

Posted by arshi aggarwal on 11:19 AM
Life gives us a lot of shockers... unhh... hnnn... Electric shocks actually. Best friends shift out of country without notice, partners forget to tell about job switch, boy friends/girl friends simply say its over or even worse for a professional - half of the team quits.

Well having recently been through such a huge shock I can say the person who bears them is always left hanging between angst, disgust, guilt (of not having done the same thing first) and irritant spite.
You are besties a moment and foes another. Though such spite only ends for few days but it leaves a lingering feeling of being left behind! Some people like me do not take the plunge even in crisis and stick to the original and some do. Call us conservative, lazy or even idiot, I for myself accept with a bow! But do all people stay behind forcefully? Or some make a choice - gamble of another type?

I have in another blog said that life is all about gambling it all, being a nomad, a free spirit that nobody can tame (This applies only if you truly want to experience life!)

Some people just take the plunge and zoom past stars in success while some of them fall flat - hurt and broken. But, of course, true spirit lies in getting back and flying again. But do all of us have that kind of time in this fast paced world? Do all of us can try and try again everyday, every year, every age?

The answer is mostly no! Be it private, personal or professional life... enough is sometimes really enough. We would better not hop on from one person or job to another for too long and stick, stay, try and manage things and make it work out. Some call it adjustment others stability.

You walk out or you stay in crisis - gamble is equal and so is the stake. If the gamble pays off - dividends are high both ways, but the fear of failure is definitely no reason to not to play!

Competition can be nerve wrecking, but can you imagine yourself without it and happy? Sense of achievement is what defines, pushes and thrusts today's youth. And it comes only through fighting for it!

So my advice would be not to feel shy or loser for not having taken the plunge when others were jumping, you might hit a jackpot at the shore itself. 

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Late night shift and horrors of a city

Posted by arshi aggarwal on 9:29 PM
How many of you do a night shift? Or a late evening shift? Well I do that a lot! And just like me I find that a cab drop back home, although mandatory under law after 9 pm, is not a luxury for a lot of girls. But then not all girls need puppy care some like to be fearless or time and necessity makes them fearless.

Metro has been such a boon for girls working late in office that now the fairer sex even dares to wear minis while traveling alone as late as 11pm as well.

Not that there is anything wrong with that but with increasing crime rate in the city it is indeed daring to be able to do what you feel like even it is as miniscule as wearing clothes of your choice or eating out at your favourite joint after sun goes down.

But Metro represets a bright and happy picture. The stations seems to be buzzing with activity even at 11.30 or 12 (that's when I deboard at my station), their are bright lights, sounds to make you feel safe, people a lot of people and some how well behaved in metro environment. But it's not all that safe.

Off lately I have witnessed some horrors of the city darks that game me shivers. Otherwise fearless girl has been transformed into a extra careful always checking her back chick on the road. 

Well it might be just nothing but for me the two small sighting spoke volume, well yes I saw two prostitutes operating around my metro station, just two sighting of the ladies and I was scared to be even spotted in that area.

Although somebody from my family comes to pick me up always, but what if they can't one day? Well this question haunts me because I hate to dependent on someone for anything anything at all.

 For now I don't know how to ally my fear.... but have to overcome it somehow.... just somehow....

Help me with your advice if you have any...

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Hilton from my balcony!

Posted by arshi aggarwal on 3:34 PM
Five stars hotels in Delhi have always been out of bounds for mango people! Largely beacuse they are best and the costliest of their kind and located in areas off limits for common man. After all how many of us would go and dine in diplomats enclave or would like to hit the floor in a building surrounded by the ridge of kilometers?

I had heard that Hiltons are famous for doing weired things (Let's not forget the heiress Paris Hilton) and so they have done in Delhi by cropping up a huge garden less or should I say one with a miniature garden building right at the end of an ugly DDA District Centre building in Janakpuri - an area dominated by retired government babus and migrated punjabis.

The view is hardly breath taking! But it's altogther a different story when we see it from metro. The metro station balcony has become a spot for youth with sparkling eyes! I am taking about the youth that works their ass off to achieve the next level of social strata and their key to this sankritisation that lies in Hilton! Well at least they dream so!

Sudden errection of a world unattainable in middle of their terrotary has triggred a series of dreams and wishes in unknowing minds!

Everyday I see at least two people standing at the station balcony quietly... just standing and gasping at the see-through lobby of the hotel! One day I will dine there and then probably stay and probably have my business deal.... dreams go on!!

I am sure many would have made positive attempts too even it might have costed them a month's salary!

Well I too made a similar attempt but hardly positive! It was for my very close freind who always wanted to go there once! at least! Luckily or should I say unluckily I got an email offer from hotel to dine in at 90 per cent discount (I was still supoosed to pay Rs 5000 something, almost my month's salary then). I planned the dinner for my b'day. But alas! the offer expired the day before I was to make payement!

A dream was shattered, a battle was lost! but was is still in my hands! I still dream to make it there for the sake of her! The Hilton in my balcony has become icon of what I want to achieve (at least at the monetary front) for my loved ones! Hilton has become my hilltop and I have just starte trekking!   

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Remember YFE?

Today 8 people turned up for what was a campaign of millions only five years ago. The situation was very much like today and a organisation fuelled by young blood not unlike India Agaianst Corruption had held the Indian eyeballs. Media was on to it without going into break for days together. Everybody was a member of YOUTH FOR EQALITY - a group formed by AIIMS doctors to fight against impending reservation.

Thousands fought water cannons and tear gas shells and filled jails to support the cause. The only difference from today is that they did not have a charismatic Gandhi like leader and to think of it they still managed all that. 
But I fear for the fate of Anna's organisation. Will Indian Against Corruption also be tattered as YFE five years down the lane?

Today I went to Youth For Equality's meeting. I am not a member, but I do support the organisation for its cause and its methods. Although it lost the battle against OBC Quota Bill and hence the media attention but for them the war is not lost!

The few left from original core froup have been fighting legal battles against reservation, commissions, researches and parties! But of course due to lack of funds and power they have won none so far! But their efforts didn't stop there! They launched a party to fight elections to Lok Sabha, but could harness only 1300 votes... from millions across the nation to 1300 in 2 years, well that's not a good stat and today only 8, definately dvindling! but the group now hopes a revival!

Youth has once again united over something, youth which was once member of Youth For Equality and more! there is a potential support and they plan to harness it, but how?

Today Youth For Equality has become a name that was once to reckon with but hardly a reality today. People like what gets media attention and no matter how hard they try and how much people remember them its not gonna work untill they manage to turn lenses on them again!

But it's not just a sad story, there's a silver lining too! Amit, a cordinator of YFE told me that core member Ravi Mishra has managed what they could not do in Delhi. He brought people together and has managed to win 3 panchayat seets in Jharkhand. One might wonder how come they won on seats where OBC and Dalits are majority? Well, Amit has an answer to that. 

He says people who belong to the poor strata of society understand there cause and do not mininterperate them as anti-dalit like high and mighty. He says YFE is about supporting the needy rather than greedy!

From the zeal in Amit's eyes I could say he has a long way to go1 YFE has a long journey to cover and who knows they may finally reach a destination that seems more peaceful, more just and more equal!

Here's to a bright future of Youth For Equality and organisations alike!!!  



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Friends, fights and loneliness

Posted by arshi aggarwal on 10:47 PM
We make friends and then we fight with them. Some say that these fights add strength to our relationship, make it stronger with every bolt, but things can be rather difficult if it do not turn out that way. My friendship with my closest buddy has been ruined and I just don't know how to cope up with that. Here, I said it! I can't imagine my life without the greatest person I have ever met - my best friend, my soul mate and my partner in every crime :).

We have known each other for more than six years now and its been a year that we are not...  let's just say happy. Despite all the differences, despite all misunderstandings and reconciliations. we miss each other and yearn to be together. Both at our ends, I am sure! But just can't be, for a relationship once broken cannot be restored to its former glory. And I have realised this in a very painful manner.

Life has become so dull and meaningless for I don't have that particular person to talk to, that person to discuss my problem jokes and frustration with. That one person who had solution to my every problem, who never seemed to be uncomfortable to meet me or catch up on phone at any point of time. I miss those days desperately when he was always there. But he is not anymore and it hurts every time I take breath, not in a superfluous sense but truly.

I try to move on but I can't for I don't want to leave behind the most beautiful part of my life.. of myself. There could be no one who can replace him, who can even substantiate even a bit of what he was for me. Now, I just hope that I can learn to live with this solitude and perhaps cherish it someday.

Here wishing myself and my best buddy forever.. A Best of Luck! 

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